(
0
)
Your bag
No products inside your bag.
Start Shopping
Product is not available in this quantity.
Hearing the words “you have cancer” changes everything in an instant. It’s a moment that sends shockwaves through your entire life, affecting not just you but everyone you love. I remember that moment clearly, sitting in the doctor’s office in 2021. At 38, I was building a fulfilling career, celebrating 14 years of marriage, and raising two beautiful children, ages 5 and 8. But as the doctor's voice faded into a blur of incoherent words, like Charlie Brown's teacher (wah-wah-wah), my world narrowed to one burning question: “What about my husband and kids?” In that moment, the fight to live wasn't just about me anymore. It was about them. My children and my husband became my “why” to do whatever it would take to survive.
Before the diagnosis, I wore a big cape with an 'S' on it, creating an unrealistic expectation to be a “perfect” mom. I thought, if TV moms like Claire Huxtable and Vivian Banks could do it all, why couldn't I? But after hearing those words, I decided to burn the cape. I couldn’t afford to waste any energy on pretending I had it all together when I needed every ounce of strength to survive.
At first, my husband and I were unsure of how to talk to our kids, but we decided to be open and honest. We sat them down and said, “Mommy has been diagnosed with cancer.” Their first question was, “Are you going to be okay?” We explained what cancer was using age-appropriate language and then told them about my treatment plan. I let them know that on some days, I might not be able to go outside and play soccer, so on those days, we would just cuddle, read, or watch a movie. I didn’t give them any false promises, but we kept things light and optimistic.
We encouraged them to ask questions and involved them in the process. My daughter made sure I drank enough water, and my son was my motivator, helping me make smoothies every week. We tried to keep our morning and bedtime routines consistent. And although I wasn't able to make it to every game or performance, I did what I could and was honest about how I was feeling. My vulnerability and humanity during this process showed them how to handle hard times with grace and resilience. They saw me go through physical and emotional changes, but I always reassured them that things were going to work out.
We quickly realized that the diagnosis was bigger than us, so we created a support system to help with meals, school pickups on the days of my surgery, and fun outings to keep a sense of normalcy for the kids. In addition to support from friends and family, I called the school counselor and spoke to their teachers, asking them to keep an eye on my children's behavior and to provide coping mechanisms if needed. I also found additional resources that help children whose parents are undergoing treatment, such as:
● Kesem
● LBBC Reading for Reassurance (free books about cancer for kids)
Throughout my journey, I've learned many lessons, and one of the most important is that life is all about perspective. Your situation changes when you change your mindset. Suddenly, the things I used to take for granted or get irritated about, the socks on the floor, the empty box of snacks, the toothpaste in the sink, became things I was grateful for. I learned to make every moment count. This journey brought us closer together and made us appreciate every breath we’ve been given.
Yes, being a mom while going through 16 rounds of chemo, 4 surgeries, and 30 radiation treatments was challenging. Through the fatigue, hair loss, and brain fog, my kids and my husband were my motivation to keep going. I’m so glad I took off the superwoman cape, had an honest conversation, and found the support we needed to get through one of the most difficult times in our lives, day by day.
● Be Honest and Use Age-Appropriate Words: Explain the diagnosis using simple, clear language that your children can understand.
● Encourage Questions: Create a safe space for your children to ask questions and express their fears and feelings.
● Maintain Routine: Keep a sense of normalcy with daily routines to provide stability during an uncertain time.
● Involve Them in the Process: Give children small, age-appropriate tasks to help. This gives them a sense of purpose and control.
● Seek Support: You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to friends, family, and professionals like school counselors or support groups.
● Prioritize Perspective: Focus on what truly matters. The little things you once worried about will no longer seem as important.
Thandi Montgomery is a cancer survivor who helps women discover who they are at the core, and be intentional about the journey to becoming their true selves. Learn more about her offering at https://thandimonee.com.
